October Horrorthon: The Horroring 2015 Part 3

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For the past 5 years I have thrown in with the faithfuls and bandwagon jumpers and have committed to one horror movie a day for the month of October. Why this month in particular? Well simple my dear sir or madam, because while everyone knows that June is the scariest month (duh!), for some reason the governments of North America have declared October “spooky central” and enforce mandatory horrorthons for men and women of 18 years of age or older. We actually have it pretty easy, it used to be horrorthongs for anyone caught not wearing orange and black at any given moment. Horrorthongs are made out of barbwire, salt and spiders.

I have been trucking right along, so here are some more that I have watched this month with a little blurb about each to let you know if they are worth your time watching them.

Tremors 5

“That’s right. Fly right into my crosshairs, you fire-farting son of a bitch”

Soooooooo Tremors is one of my favorite films of all time, and while the series is probably closer to sci-fi action monster movie than actual horror, there is no way I could pass up this new offering. Tremors 5 contains a quote from Die Hard . . . and that is the best part. That is not actually as damning as a statement as I mean it to be, because I do think outside of 4, this is the best of the sequels. Lots of schlocky humor, which is what you should expect, and they deliver it very well but not even coming close to the level of excellence of the original Tremors movie or something like Slither. I know a lot of my friends loathe Jamie Kennedy, and if you don’t like him in other stuff, chances are this is not gonna change your mind. Michael Gross (think of him as survivalist Ash Williams) and Pearl Thusi (think of her conservationist Daryl Dixon) asĀ  help to ramp up the badassery. Check it out!

Tales From The Darkside: The Movie

“Oh, I was just thinkin’ of this guy I know. Couldn’t distinguish a third dynasty sacred scroll from a piece of post-Alexandrian pictogram porn.”

For any of you who have not seen this, prepare for constant “Oh, I can’t believe they are in this movie” from damn near the beginning of this gem from 1990! GEM I SAY! JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS YOU SAY! Whoa, sorry about that. Anyways, some genuine creep, some genuine laughs, and a really cool way to frame an anthology horror movie.

Housebound

“You know, the closed mind is the worst defense against the paranormal, Kylie. What are you gonna do against a hostile spirit? You just gonna crack jokes?”

Firstoff, do not trust the trailer … it hints at a bit of humor but the flick is riddled with it! The horrors of a ghost, the horrors of a creepy neighbor, the horrors of dial-up internet! The main character is such a wretched bag of shitface I could not help but finding her somewhat charming just for her dedication to the amount of fuckery she could sling with just a look. Big thumbs up from me on this one, I thought it was funny, clever, even a little creepy and kept me interested through the whole thing.

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